I was watching short videos and historical figures were collectively vomiting blood! - Chapter 17

Chapter 17 Zhu Yuanzhang – What Kind of Chicken is an Airplane?

“Ever since he met Pan Jinlian downstairs, Ximen Qing had been obsessed with getting this seductive and charming woman.”

“Later, he conspired with Wang Po, the tea house owner next door, to set up a plan. They invited Pan Jinlian to the tea house under the pretense of making clothes for him.”

“Through their careful scheming, Pan Jinlian came to believe that her encounter with Ximen Qing was a beautiful coincidence.”

“Ximen Qing deliberately praised Pan Jinlian’s ‘divine craftsmanship,’ using flattery to make her feel as though marrying Wu Dalang was like a fairy falling into the mud. This planted resentment in her heart and led her straight into Ximen Qing’s trap.”

“He had long seen through the virtuous wife act and sensed the wild nature hidden beneath her gentle facade. With just a little trickery, he stirred up her desires.”

“Finally, Pan Jinlian voiced her resentment toward Wu Dalang: ‘He is a useless man.’ With Wang Po adding fuel to the fire and constantly manipulating her, Pan Jinlian gradually revealed her restless nature.”

“Tea set the mood, and wine played matchmaker. Pan Jinlian could no longer suppress her passionate side. After drinking, she began exchanging flirtatious glances with Ximen Qing.”

“Once the stage was set and the moment was right, Wang Po and Ximen Qing worked together to intensify their efforts, launching a final push that successfully won Pan Jinlian over.”

“They sat together, raised their cups, and drank. Wang Po found an excuse to leave, stepping out to buy wine while carefully shutting the door behind her. The rest happened naturally.”

“And then, the most thrilling moment unfolded!”

“‘Sir, please stop persuading me to drink! I really can’t have any more, my husband will be home soon!’”

“As Ximen Qing bent down to pick up his chopsticks, he suddenly grabbed hold of Pan Jinlian’s delicate foot!”

“At this point, things became inappropriate for younger audiences… skipping ahead ten thousand words.”

“After her affair with Ximen Qing, Pan Jinlian conspired with Wang Po to finally poison Wu Dalang to death.”

Inside the study, a man in a brocade robe stared intently at the sky screen.

“Inspiration… This is all inspiration!”

“Write it down!”

Lanling Xiaoxiao Sheng quickly flipped open the Golden Lotus, grabbed a brush, and eagerly scribbled down every bit of inspiration from the sky screen’s video.

Cao Cao watched the screen with fascination.

“Inappropriate for younger audiences? Skipping ten thousand words?”

“Who gave the order to skip? Who approved this? This woman, Pan Jinlian, is a disgrace—seducing another man and killing her husband! Why aren’t all the filthy details being shown? The people must see her shameful deeds so we can properly condemn her!”

Sima Yi glanced sideways at him.

“Chancellor, are you sure you want to ‘condemn’ her?”

“Of course! Not only will I condemn her, but I will also carefully analyze every single detail! We must scrutinize this woman’s wickedness!”

“But Chancellor, she’s already a married woman.”

Hearing this, Cao Cao’s eyes suddenly lit up.

“A married woman…”

He swallowed hard.

Sima Yi: “….”

_____

“Hey! Hey! Chongba, stop looking!”

Empress Ma rushed over, covering Zhu Yuanzhang’s eyes with her hands.

“Wife, we need to recognize this kind of shameless woman for what she is! The women of our Ming Dynasty must learn from her mistakes!”

“Chongba, stop watching! Those two are completely shameless—they’re even biting each other’s lips! It’s totally inappropriate!”

“Wife, I’m not a child anymore. I’m the Emperor!”

“Oh? So now that you’re Emperor, you think you can just look at other women?”

Empress Ma fumed with anger, refusing to let Zhu Yuanzhang watch the sky screen any further.

_____

Crown Prince Yinreng was at home recovering from his humiliation in court. His regret was eating him alive.

“Hmm? This Pan Jinlian on the screen… She’s even prettier than Chunhua, and her figure is even better!”

Then, as if realizing something, he suddenly shrank back.

“Father has ruled for so many years, and my fourth brother is watching for an opportunity to seize power. He eventually becomes Emperor in history… I must restrain myself from indulging in women too much. Tonight, I’ll see Chunhua one last time and say my final goodbye! This is truly the last time—I swear!”

Despite the sky screen censoring some content with a loud beep, many scenes were still quite explicit.

For traditional-minded people from ancient times, this was nothing short of a cultural shock.

If the previous “scandalous women” were merely flirtatious, then Pan Jinlian had officially earned the title of a full-fledged temptress.

Upon seeing the sky screen’s content, Wu Song wasted no time. He rushed home, immediately executed Pan Jinlian, Wang Po, and Ximen Qing, and successfully saved Wu Dalang from a tragic fate.

“Special Ops-style business trip—three cities in one day, instant justice!”

______

At that moment, a new video appeared on the sky screen. It showed a band documenting their hectic travel schedule.

“Today, we took a flight early in the morning. In just over two hours, we went from Beijing to Xi’an. Then, after a short rest in Xi’an, we flew to Chengdu in under two hours. Finally, after meeting some friends and grabbing dinner, we took another flight—this time nearly three hours long—to Hainan.”

“Now it’s 9 PM, and we just landed. Four cities in one day—this is insane! Tomorrow, we’ll be performing at the stadium behind me. See you all there!”

To make it easier for historical figures to understand, the sky screen automatically adjusted place names to match the respective dynasties. It was designed for effortless, foolproof viewing.

_____

The entire Qin court stood dumbfounded. Even Qin Shi Huang himself was at a complete loss for words. Let alone the Emperor—even Zhao Gao and Li Si had no idea what to say. They were utterly stunned.

“One day… covering thousands of miles?”

“Leaving Yandu in the morning, then arriving in Changan in just two hours!”

“Then departing from Changan and reaching Shu Commandery in less than two more hours!”

“And finally, after another three-hour journey, reaching Nanhai Commandery!”

Qin Shi Huang turned to Li Si, eyes filled with disbelief.

“Li Si, you explain it to me. What exactly is this ‘airplane’? Has the future truly entered the realm of immortals? How does this ‘airplane’ soar through the heavens?”

Li Si’s scalp tingled.

For the first time, he found himself speechless.

____

Zhu Yuanzhang was equally stunned.

He thought hard but couldn’t make sense of it.

“What kind of chicken is this airplane?”

“From what I saw on the sky screen, it seems to fly through the clouds and mist, traveling from one place to another in an instant.”

His thoughts immediately turned to warfare—after all, he had fought his way to power through military campaigns.

“If we used these airplanes for war, it wouldn’t just be ‘swift military action’ anymore… It would be an army descending from the heavens!”