I was watching short videos and historical figures were collectively vomiting blood! - Chapter 31

Chapter 31 Li Qingzhao: I Want to Hit This Tang Seng with a Stick

The most crucial part was that the sky screen above was not just in text form, but also featured video footage. Although this advertisement could not be too direct, any normal person would understand what the video was conveying. Especially for some men who struggled in certain areas, their eyes were now red.

“Where can I buy this divine medicine on the sky screen?”

“Will it really work?”

“22 herbal ingredients, it’s obvious this is a secret recipe passed down through generations. It has been said that it will work, which pharmacy is selling it now?”

“My wife has been mocking me recently. If I had this Huiren Shenbao pill, I could regain the position of head of the household!”

…

So, the group of men who were in need from various realms rushed to the local pharmacies, eagerly asking if the Huiren Shenbao pill was available. Even some daring women with open minds also entered the pharmacy. However, most people left empty-handed. Some unscrupulous pharmacy owners even sold them alternative products instead.

After a period of advertisement, the main feature film, A Chinese Odyssey—The Monkey King Marries, began.

The Monkey King Marries was the second and most exciting installment of A Chinese Odyssey, and it was also the most emotionally touching one, with both tears and laughter. As red text appeared on the big screen listing the names of various staff members, the film officially started.

The melancholic tune “Reeds Marsh” played, and the scene shows Zixia holding a bamboo raft, drifting through the reeds, with a deep sense of loneliness and regret conveyed through the music.

Tang Dynasty Realm. Tang Xuanzong Era.

Li Longji, listening to this piece of music, shows a look of intoxication on his face. Few people know that, in addition to being an emperor, he was also the first emperor-musician in ancient China. He was skilled in playing the jieg drum and transverse flute, and he composed and adapted works such as “Night Music,” “Small Breaking Formation Music,” and “Rainbow Feather Dance.” He established the Tang Dynasty’s music institutions, the Jiaofang and Liyuan. Li Longji was an expert in musical theory.

“This piece is so sorrowful. The sounds of the flute, pipa, and some instruments I can’t identify come together to create a quiet melody that strikes the heart and brings sadness.”

The few ministers around him, none of whom were skilled in music, could only flatter him, “Your Majesty is brilliant!”

…

Su Shi, gazing at the sky screen, curiously asked, “Huaimin, what is this thing? It’s a light screen in such a large room, with people’s shadows flickering and playing sounds. What is it?”

Zhang Huaimin observed for a moment and replied, “It seems like a stage. I think it’s something like watching a play.”

“That’s logical. Huaimin truly is exceptionally intelligent,” Su Shi nodded and continued to watch.

…

Li Qingzhao, who was writing poetry, looked up when she heard the music, and immediately became interested when she saw a play beginning on the screen. The content on the screen had been boring before, and she hadn’t paid attention, but now, with a play to watch, she was excited.

…

【Old man, you can’t light the lamp like that. You only have oil, but no wick.】

【I know, but the wick is missing. What can I do?】

【Buy one.】

【That’s reasonable. Miss, may I ask, if the wick in the Buddha’s divine lamp goes missing, where can I buy one?】

【I knew you had a problem. Show yourself!】

【Howl, so it’s Erlang Shen and the Four Heavenly Kings of the South Gate!】

【Zixia, you and your sister Qingxia, who are actually the wicks intertwined in the Buddha’s sun and moon lamps, you left the heavens on your own and started telling people that whoever can pull the Purple-Blue Sword from your hands is your true love!】

…

Familiar scenes and lines slowly unfolded before everyone’s eyes in the cinema. Many people were filled with emotion.

Were they watching a movie? No, they were watching their own youth, memories, and the regrets and frustrations of their past.

Ming Dynasty. Wu Cheng’en, looking at the movie on the sky screen, lowered his gaze to the Journey to the West he was writing and fell into deep thought for the first time. The absurd style was washing over the ancient people’s retinas and brains.

【If I can’t be with the person I love, even if you make me the Jade Emperor, I still won’t be happy.】

Upon seeing this line, Wang Mang’s eyes welled up.

“I never thought I’d get to watch A Chinese Odyssey in my lifetime!”

Ignoring the many ministers around him, he shed tears for the first time. He hadn’t expected that the homesickness of his adulthood would be experienced through the sky screen. He was outside, and his hometown was inside.

Qin Dynasty. Ying Zheng: “Erlang Shen!”

He hurriedly stood up, his face filled with shock. “Please, immortal, grant me the elixir of immortality. I will build a temple for you and worship you as the one true god of my Qin Dynasty!”

He then fell to his knees in front of the screen. Li Si quickly stopped him, saying, “Your Majesty, I believe this is just an actor, a performance for the entertainment of future generations. Do not take it seriously.”

Ying Zheng snapped out of it, carefully observed for a moment, and then sat back down on his throne with a dark expression.

Tang Dynasty Realm. Li Shimin sighed, “I never expected that the daily life of people in later generations would be so rich, sitting in such a large hall to watch a play. I am more and more curious about the future.”

After the film played for a while, the scenes with Erlang Shen, the Four Heavenly Kings, and the Buddha appeared again. At first, many people thought it was real, but later, many of them realized it was like opera, just a performance by actors.

【You didn’t become Sun Wukong’s disciple because you haven’t yet encountered the person who will give you three hemorrhoids.】

Zhenzunbao raised the Demon Mirror, and Sun Wukong’s face appeared in the mirror.

【Now that my senior brother has become a different person and is with Zixia, did Zixia also have a part in capturing Master?】

【In terms of wisdom and martial arts, I have always been a little better than him, but now with Zixia, he may be slightly better than me.】

…

【Ah, Wukong, you really are mischievous! I told you not to throw things around, and throwing things is wrong… Oh, I haven’t finished speaking, why did you throw away the staff? The Moonlight Treasure Box is a treasure, throwing it will pollute the environment. What if it hits a child? Even if it doesn’t, what if it hits flowers and plants?】

【Ah! What are you doing?】

【Let go!】

【Oh, you want it? Just say so! If you want it, I’ll give it to you. If you want it, I won’t deny you! It’s impossible that you say you want it and I don’t give it to you. Let’s reason this out. Now, I will count to three. You need to say clearly if you want it…】

【Damn!】

…

Li Qingzhao burst into laughter.

“Hahaha, this Tang Seng is so talkative. If I were Sun Wukong, I would want to hit him with a stick too!”

She laughed so hard that she nearly fell over.

This A Chinese Odyssey was really too funny.