I was watching short videos and historical figures were collectively vomiting blood! - Chapter 2

Chapter 2 The Four Starlets Appear, Leaving the Ancients Bewildered!

With modern makeup techniques, fashion styling, and advanced plastic surgery, an ordinary beauty can be transformed into a goddess, and a goddess can become an even more flawless celestial being!

So when Da Mimi, Liu Yifei, Wang Luodan, and Huang Shengyi—the second-generation “Four Starlets” of the Chinese entertainment industry—appeared on the celestial screen, the powerful visual impact left all the ancient figures from various historical periods utterly stunned.

Who could possibly resist the ultimate beauty of the entertainment world?

Even emperors with harems of three thousand concubines were at a loss. If anyone could outshine these four, perhaps only the legendary Four Great Beauties—Xi Shi, Wang Zhaojun, Diaochan, and Yang Guifei—stood a chance.

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Liu Bang had just finished spending an intimate moment with Consort Qi and was basking in the afterglow when a sudden commotion from the celestial screen startled him.

Throwing on his robes, he walked to the window, his eyes deep and contemplative.

“A celestial phenomenon… This must be an auspicious sign! The fortunes of my Han Dynasty shall endure for generations!”

Consort Qi followed him, her voice sweet and charming.

“Your Majesty, about the matter of appointing the Crown Prince?”

“No rush. I have already paved the way within the court. With just one decree, everything will fall into place. Ruyi is undoubtedly the best choice for Crown Prince!”

“Thank you, Your Majesty!”

Consort Qi immediately knelt in gratitude. Meanwhile, in the harem, Empress Lü Zhi gazed at the celestial screen, her expression dark and unreadable.

After a moment of contemplation, she turned to her son, Liu Ying.

“Ying’er, a celestial phenomenon signals the arrival of a sage. You and General Han must go search for them at once!”

“Your father wants to make Consort Qi’s son the Crown Prince. We must not let them seize the upper hand!”

“Yes, Mother!”

Liu Ying hurried off.

However, as soon as the celestial screen displayed Liu Yifei’s breathtakingly beautiful photo shoot, both Liu Bang and Empress Lü Zhi dropped their teacups to the floor in shock…

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“Where the enemy dares to go, I shall go as well!”

Inside the golden palace, Emperor Wu of Han, Liu Che, declared boldly, his presence as imposing as the heavens themselves.

“The Xiongnu are nothing more than a ragtag bunch! How dare they expect my Han Dynasty to bow and scrape before them with a marriage alliance?!”

With the emperor’s fury, the officials in the hall trembled, immediately kneeling in submission. Just then, Liu Che noticed the celestial screen shifting and lit up with excitement.

“Something is happening!”

“This must be a divine revelation, guiding me towards the annihilation of the Xiongnu!”

But moments later…

“Outrageous! Insolence!”

“Who dares to mock the heavens and shake the morale of my Han armies?”

Though Liu Che’s words were filled with rage, his eyes betrayed his true thoughts. General Wei Qing, standing beside him, twitched at the corner of his mouth but quickly issued a command.

“All soldiers, hear this! Close your eyes! You are forbidden from looking!”

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Emperor Taizong of Tang, Li Shimin, gazed at the celestial screen, a shadow of concern flickering across his face. Back then, he had seized the throne through the Xuanwu Gate Coup, forcing his father, Emperor Gaozu, to abdicate. Ever since, rumors of his illegitimate rise had persisted among the people. Now, with the celestial phenomenon appearing, gossip was spreading once again.

Sigh…

He let out a long sigh.

“Don’t sigh. In my heart, you will always be the best.”

Empress Zhangsun leaned gently on his shoulder, her voice soothing.

“I must not be distracted. As long as the Tang Dynasty flourishes, nothing else matters… But wait, what is that?”

On the celestial screen, Huang Shengyi appeared in a swimsuit, her figure enchanting. Her fair skin glowed, smooth and delicate, with glistening water droplets sliding down alluring curves…

Li Shimin was instantly mesmerized, unable to look away—Until he sensed the icy, resentful glare from his beloved empress. Only then did he hastily withdraw his gaze and put on a serious expression.

“Such shameless behavior in broad daylight! This woman has no sense of propriety!

“Guards, seize her immediately! Bring her to me—I must interrogate her personally!”

Empress Zhangsun immediately fumed with anger.

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“Sister, come look at this! We’ve never seen such a strange celestial phenomenon before!”

Zhu Yuanzhang (Emperor Hongwu) stared at the celestial screen in utter curiosity.

Having traveled far and wide in his early years, he had seen much, yet he couldn’t decipher what he was witnessing.

“Chongba, stop looking. That’s a matter for the heavens. We mere mortals have no say in it.”

Empress Ma smiled warmly, handing him a cup of tea.

“You’re right. That’s the business of celestial rulers. We should focus on governing our Ming Dynasty.”

However, the moment Wang Luodan’s photo shoot appeared, Zhu Yuanzhang froze.

Although he found the women’s attire scandalous, he had to admit—they were stunning. Even through the celestial screen, he could almost smell their fragrance!

“Chongba! This must be a trap set by remnants of the previous dynasty to corrupt our officials! Do not look!”

Startled, Empress Ma quickly glanced at Da Mimi’s exaggeratedly ample curves, then lowered her gaze to her own chest. Immediately, she panicked and covered Zhu Yuanzhang’s eyes.

She had once smashed an inkstone in front of him, so covering his eyes was hardly a big deal!

“Sister, let go! Since this is a plot by the previous dynasty, I must investigate thoroughly! Know your enemy!”

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“Prime Minister, you have a nosebleed!”

Cao Cao flicked his sleeve to casually wipe it away.

“Impossible! Absolutely impossible!”

Meanwhile, in his military camp, Liu Bei stared at the celestial screen, dumbfounded by the breathtaking scene.

“I like this one called Da Mimi.”

His eyes burned with desire.

Zhang Fei swallowed hard.

“Me too!”

Guan Yu, gripping his Green Dragon Crescent Blade, merely half-opened his eyes and scoffed,

“Nothing more than skeletal beauty—dangerous temptresses. My lord, you should look away. This could be one of Cao Cao’s schemes!”

“We’ve fought wars for so long. Can’t I enjoy myself for once?!”

Hopeless! Absolutely hopeless!

Liu Bei muttered to himself, Guan Yu, you just go ahead and cuddle with your big sword!

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After hosting a grand banquet for his ministers, Emperor Qianlong was leisurely composing poetry with Heshen and Ji Xiaolan. The candlelight flickered, dancers swayed, and the hall was filled with a harmonious atmosphere.

“One flake, two flakes, three flakes, four… Five, six, seven, eight, um…”

Qianlong suddenly got stuck.

Ji Xiaolan quickly stepped in.

“…Drifting into the reeds, vanishing from sight.”

“Excellent continuation!” Qianlong was very pleased.

Ji Xiaolan smiled.

“Your Majesty’s opening lines were masterful. I merely followed suit.”

Heshen, rolling his eyes, muttered, “Ji, how dare you correct the Emperor’s poetry?”

Just then, the celestial screen revealed a video of Da Mimi jogging in a tight sports bra. Her long legs gleamed, and her curves bounced enticingly.

A slightly tipsy Qianlong’s eyes gleamed.

“I must compose a poem for this beauty!”

Ji Xiaolan turned pale.

“Your Majesty, remember King Zhou of Shang—he wrote an obscene poem about Goddess Nuwa and brought ruin to his kingdom!”

A kingdom’s downfall!

Terrified, Qianlong quickly put down his brush and shot a glare at Heshen.

“Your Majesty, I deserve death!” Heshen bowed hastily, cursing Ji Xiaolan under his breath. Damn you, Ji! Must you always ruin my fun?

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And so, the “Eternal Connection” App continued broadcasting across all dynasties and time periods, intertwining history with modern beauty.

The sensual figures of the Four Starlets, especially Da Mimi and the divine Liu Yifei, sent ancient men into a frenzy and left ancient women feeling utterly inadequate!